Who Am I Really?

Who are we really?

Are we pawns in a game directed by one or by many. How do we choose who plays and who doesnt? How does one find individuality when duality plays a more significant part, mainly in the sub conscious. Finally why are we driven to be the lead every time, when its just a game, no one wins or looses, although we sure think so.

We had a tremendous amount of wind and rain last night. In fact I woke up this morning to lawns strewn with logs and lost items the ocean decided to cough up. People scrambled to clean their yards, worried the clutter was just that clutter. But why not sit back and see the beauty of it all, the ocean gave us its magnificence, its turbulence, its glory. It gave us back what we threw in.

We too throw a lot of stuff around. Emotions, decisions based on our will or no ones, upsets of the uncontrolled kind. You name it we have stood by the waters edge and threw in the towel. Now it gives back and we cannot handle it. The creeks too are over flowing, and its beautiful. Our hearts need to over flow, to toss out the unwanted turbulence we have allowed in, to see the beauty we cannot handle deep inside. Its not always our game, but a game in which we have played and will continue to play for a long time. Enjoy it, let others win sometimes, and when that happens listen to the heart as it sings the praise of love and equality.

Heres another poem that I would like to share.

AM I REALLY

It has been sometime since I have seen. Longer than that, that I have experienced. Much farther yet than I can remember. Have faith you say? Memories come and go in the night just as the sun shines behind blue skies, hiding from the very clouds it protects.

The fact is I have not a cloudless sky in which to see forever. I have not a branch to cover my empty mind or shade me from the thoughts rooted so deeply inside my entangled vine of brain waves. Hence I am blind to most interests. Fog has set in as green vapors in jars of glass tubes  measure me input daily.

I awaken half dead, my feet cannot find the floor to fain balance. No wings to fly from bedroom to kitchen where I can at least find nourishment. Nourishment to ease the dazed transparency of my residency.

Patience may be virtuous but my timing is off by seconds. I am half way there and not there at all within the right moment. Senseless I walk an eternity of doubt, blissful in my cap of dreams, homeless in my own way.

Yet I will by my own will find my place, become a dealer in a poker game, where I can cheat myself and win a jackpot in a one handed showdown. I want justice, having taken away my mentality and given it a name I cannot understand. Memory chopped in half and fed to me in spoonfuls.

Now  I rock away the years or hours. I cannot remember anything, except that I am fully content in what I have, not knowing I have nothing at all, except the smile I wake up to from the mirror in the bathroom. I will see you again tomorrow I say back but the face never returns. I am alone because I have many more, a new one each day. Who comes to see me. who will greet me in my aloofness? Yet the face that gives me everything right now.

Life is a short version of a lengthly play. A drama with indentations of comedy. Never ask for the long way around just enjoy the ride.IMG_0043

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