Looking up I saw clouds. Clouds that seemed to cover the sun omitting any blue to come through. So I chose to look down. What I expected to see was green grass, lush and soft to touch, but I saw nothing like that.
What I ignored was the knowledge that there is blue above those grey clouds and small buds of green grass beneath the brown earth that still covers them. My mind said to keep searching, so I did.
I looked to my right because I was so diappointed with the sky and the earth I thought maybe the trees had flowers. The trees are there but the buds of the flowers are still invisable to my eyes. I regretted looking there.
I thought for sure that if I looked left I would not feel the disappointment I held in my heart because surely there would be something beautiful I could see.
So I looked left. Looking left gave me great hope. To the left of me is the ocean. Large and expansive. I wanted to see the waves crashing upon the rocks. I wanted to also see the chaos that the wind had brought down from sky to earth. I saw none of that. I saw a calm, and unanounced ocean of calm. Again I was deflated.
Where do I now turn. Do I try somewhere else? But this is where I want to be. To see the blueness of the sky above me. To feel the small new blades of springtime touching my toes. To smell the new budding flowers to my right calling me to come near or to my left where the sound of the ocean drowns me.
Have I forgotten something? Maybe I have.
I know, I will turn myself inside out. I will see the love that I hold close, I will feel the energy ground me to this human experience. I will smell the curiousity my thoughts bring with compassion. Then I will walk to the ocean and pick up a shell hold it to my ear and hear the voice of my own compassion. The clarity that calls me home where ever I am.
For there is always blue sky inside the heart. Soft hands that hold me, for they are mine. The perfume of my own existance heals me in every moment that I am. The voice of a knowing that I sometimes forget is there to give me hope that the truth is not only inside me but outside as well.