Impatience

What is Impatience but an impish desire to be four steps ahead of yourself.

You worry, if you look backwards it give might give you a headache.

Then again to stand still and be void of thought moves you nowhere.

Patience on the other hand may be perspective. Please give me a moment of silence while I do nothing.

It’s a place of introspection, you go neither backwards or forwards.

You can then see the sign that says, You Are Now Here.

Gravity

Gravity.

Force fields.

Heavy bottomed shoes.

What holds you down, keeps you from flying?

Does every thought you have make you something more?

Your mind, what does it do for the future of your existence?

Take your shoes off, feel the ground beneath your feet.

You have toes that wiggle, heels that can dig in.

If you look down you may be surprised.

DO YOU WANT TO FLY?

I DO.

 

What Gives Us Meaning

What gives us meaning when we are disabled to mentally challenge ourselves?

Does staring out the window on a rainy day inspire our thoughts? All I see is the dirt on the windows.

What about feeling the sun on your face on a cold winter’s day? Does that count as meaningful?

What is meaning? Is it the definition of trying to be grateful for the B.S. we have?

Is it after being blind for years to finally see the light? Is it standing up and asking the right questions in front of the mirror when we are alone?

What about motivation? Define this if you can.

What gives meaning to a blindfold? Hands tied behind our backs?

Excuse me while I give you a thousand excuses.

 

 

 

 

 

When I Can’t Hear You

My ears are plugged.

Maybe I am too far away to convince myself to listen.

I am deaf, but only to you.

You are speaking English, yet the words seem foreign to me.

I’m not listening because you make sense.

Words turn into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, thoughts into mental images, mental images into the desire to listen or not.

Just because you stand before me doesn’t mean you are a positive influence on me.

Action and reaction, Verbal abuse or positive thinking. Sometimes hearing you isn’t enough.

What more can I say that will get your attention.

Silence

Bigger Than Life

Once there was a man who was bigger than life. I could stop here but maybe you would like to know he got to be this man. The story is quite strange but it is believable, if you can open your mind a little more. Come on peek inside with me. In fact I will hold your hand as I tell you the story, hold you when you get scared and laugh with you when you reach the end. Yes once there was man who was bigger than life.

In the beginning he was small. No smaller than average but small for his age. He lived with his parents in a small village just to the north of here. If I point my finger you can follow my direction and see for yourself. It’s the house, yes that house over there, with the big red roof. I see you are looking in the right direction and when you believe you will see it appear on the horizon, yes right there, where the sun comes up each morning and then again where the sun sets each night.

The boy wasn’t average not like his height. He was smart but unsure of his genius, so unlike most boys he kept his secrets to himself. His friends wanted to get into mischief but he thought otherwise looking to the stars for comfort and believing that one day he would be bigger, better and in charge of the things he now wasn’t.

His parents were unsure, they prayed each night that their son would be bigger than life, smarter than the rest of the young men in the village and have the courage he couldn’t find now. They were good people but they were not prepared for the things that were about to happen.

Life went on for years in this small village. The people lived normal lives, tended to things most people did and raised good children The boys family was no different. They cared for their son, nurtured his desires and watch him grow. Life was normal until the day it happened.

“Let’s take a break and see how much you have learned. look to the East, can you see the house yet, it’s big booming size? No not yet, well let’s keep going and see if the next chapter is capturing your attention.”

The boy grew. His parents kept praying for him to grow and one day, like a seed, he bloomed. There was no surprise here because his parents had asked their God for assistance but what they forget was to pray that he would stop growing. He grew and as he grew so did the houses they had to build to support his growth.

“I think you get the picture now, in your mind anyways. I see you are looking toward the east that is good, now keep looking and follow the sun as it begins to move through the day and I will continue my story.”

Many years and many houses later he seemed to take a break for growing. His parents by then were spent. How can they stop this growing? They asked the towns people, the council and sought others outside the community for help. Hs parents were exhausted. But he started to grow again.

His strength was stronger, his knowledge more learned and he felt like a well that hadn’t gone deep enough. He had looked to his parents for a long time but he outgrew them. He played and mingled with his friends but he also outgrew them. In fact he out grew everything in his existence. He would go outside into the countryside everyday tell himself that it was everyone else’s fault for his being so large. His parents fault for wanting him to be different, and he blamed himself too for not having the answers, to the problems he faced. So he left his home, he left his parents and friends and he traveled about searching for answers. No one had any, he was always to big to stay anywhere. He ate too much, he walked faster than any scholar and he most of the time slept in the fields because the houses were to small.

“Now lets take another break. Can you see anything? Can you now see him as he travels with the sun from one end of the universe to the other? He still searches for answers even today. I know you have questions but wait until the end.”

What was he missing? How did he get this way? Why wasn’t there a book to explain to him what he must do to shrink down to a normal size man. If there was he didn’t find it. Maybe he needed to figure it out on a deeper level. Was there one? He knew his parents prayed and what did they pray for? Maybe he needed some of that.

So he walked and he talked to everyone he knew trying to find the answers to his size. He kept walking each morning as the sun rose and he walked until the sun set each night but to no avail. Was there no one who could help. One day though he decided to retrace his steps which led him back to where he began, home. He looked for his parents but they were now dead. He looked for his friends but they too were gone or had moved to another village. All that was left was his home which was still there and miraculous still fit his size. He stayed for many years and began a new life but he never stopped searching for answers. He knew somewhere out there beyond his house there was someone who knew. Part of him said to give up and another said keep going. He was perplexed but he also had courage. That was the one thing he remembered from his days as a small boy. The one thing that kept him going, for the rest of his life, and that was the lessons he had learned as a boy. “Never give up” his parents would say, “never stop the journey, no matter how hard it gets.”

So he did just that. He traveled out each day to the other side of the world and searched for answers, he hoped he would find. As he walked people stopped him and asked his advice. They wanted to hear his story. He felt proud and no longer regretted being so big. He was like the sun that shone on everyone, bringing light to their day. He finally felt useful. So, even today you can see him get up every morning and travel across the earth staying in each place for a certain time and then moving on. In the evening he rests and begins again the next day. He was a man but he was bigger than life. He never gave up on his journey. He forged on helping others to understand theirs. He used his light and warmth to help others grow. He sheltered the world with his love even when it wasn’t wanted.

The boy looked up at the man beside him and smiled. He could see the red roof of the big house coming over the land and he would always remember at first light to look for this giant and follow his dreams as the man did. He too would be bigger than life, he would find the courage to get up every day and find his truth and he would love all people.

This is the story of the man who was bigger than life. Can you also see yourself follow this giant as he roams the world and never gives up? Is there an ending? Did the giant pass on, did he have a family? The ending of this story is the story that begins with you.

Pass it on.

I Can’t Do This Right Now

I can’t do this right now. Why not you ask?

Maybe I just don’t want to. Maybe I can’t. I feel pushed, prodded and sometimes controlled. Don’t you? Do you ever feel that life isn’t what it pretends to be? It’s suppose to be solid, containable, readable and so reliable. To me it feels more like a clogged drain. The water just swirling around with no where to go, except around in a continuous circle. That’s me, one big circle with no exit sign. You know I think the whole world is that way. All of us, people, waiting for the right person, place or idea to come along and plunge us into a clarity that cleans us up. Unclog the drain, see the water flow and rinse it out with something new.

Sounds about right I think. Remember the phrases “Pete and repeat sitting on a fence, Pete fell off now repeat…” Feels like that. We await the car to pick us up, tell us where to go, maybe give us a map but we inherently forget we need to understand where we are going first before we can even get off the fence. I’m tired of waiting aren’t you?

I just can’t do this. It seems so hard when I think about the criteria. It’s like a course in physics when I never took any science at all. Yet my mind tells me to go ahead, not because I could learn something but because I would most likely fail. I’m not ready to fail, or am I? Now I really have something to think about. Is it in the act of failing that we find knowledge. Is it because failure is not failure at all. We judge ourselves on our misgivings instead of valuing the idea of learning.

Do you ever take a chance because, well maybe for no reason. Maybe because it’s just different? Go back to school or get super fit when your to old to try? Get new ideas about an old subject you never could rap your mind around? Choices come along like people who wait on fences. we wait for one particular idea to awaken us when there are 30 others that come by and want your attention. We just can’t see sometimes what’s in front of us.

I still don’t know if I can do this right now. I want to say I can’t and never will but is that the right choice? We are made to challenge things, us humans. We are bred for courage, otherwise we would have vanished a long time ago. So why are we so weak when it comes to inner strength?

I can do this. My heart tells me I must. Forget the list of why and what for and make a new list of where it could take me and what I will learn. Can good things come out of great surprises. A mask is just that a mask. So the same with all the costumes we wear.

I think I will. Be naked that is. Get off the fence and not repeat the same thing again. Find a different choice and have the courage to challenge me. It feels strange to say this and I do have some stress but I can never know why I am me unless I swim the deepest oceans, climb the highest mountains and walk the deserts of life.

I can do this right now. I can.