The Dark Universe

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Very time I see the wonders of a dark night I am embraced by something greater than myself. To look upwards into the darkened sky and feel the nothingness that possess me, I am so little. I want to swing on those stars that shine so bright, to be a satellite being embraced by the solar system. I want to be that free.

Then, I look down. I see my feet held down by gravity and my heart feels heavy. I think about all the problems of this world and I am depressed into the cement beneath my feet, I am small. I can’t move. My arms hold my body at the waist and I stand there trying to figure out my next move. Where am I and how do I fit into the universe above me.

My problems seem so large, maybe I can slingshot them to the moon since it is so barren. If there’s no one up there then no one should care. I wonder and wish that someone would. Not that I am alone but somedays I hear so much from so many that I become silent.

Alone we walk this earth, alone we try to find validation from our small selves and only wish to be bigger than life itself. I think I will stay here by the shore listening to the ocean wash itself upon the shore. I will gaze upward toward the universe unknown and hope that it sees me.

Patterns

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Patterns, what do they mean? Is the pattern, the pattern? Is it time to change the pattern of how we live our lives, separate and as a whole.

Some of you may be familiar with the Netflix movie Maniac, where in the future a group of people go into a Pharma research project. During the project, a few learn about themselves and the patterns the have created their lives.

So can we look at that, the patterns that we have created willingly, and also the subconscious patterns that have been passed down to us from previous generations? Is it time to look deep within and see those particulars that may have created the patterns stopping our process of having a better life?

Let’s colour our world, having the patience to pick only when we choose. To understand the ideas that come around more often and what pushes our buttons.

It’s time to take the time and give ourselves a time out. It’s time to review everything about ourselves and if we see a pattern of things that don’t fit us well, I guess it’s time to get real. Let’s figure out how to learn something new about why we do what we do. It’s not about the glue and the cracked awareness, it’s about throwing out the cup and finding a new awareness that can move us forward. Everything we want is ready to be found we just have to take the pattern an undo the “stuff” that has stitched it together. Pick the colours and build the pattern we choose, have the challenges that inspire us to finally change.

The pattern is the pattern until you change it.

A Hard No

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Is “It” a hard no? Could it be that there is the possibility of a softer, yes?

Faced with an indecision do you take a hard look at the answer facing you? Is there a possibility of skirting the issue for now, to make for an easier choice? What is the difference between a hard no and a soft yes.

Dance on a hard wood floor, there is no give, it gives back without barriers. You move, you twirl, you sway and the floor beneath you gives what you give to it, that being the energy of your feet upon its surface.

Dance on a carpet or a well padded floor and you will get soft and pliable, a softer feel. You may eventually get friction from the carpet, or a softer dance with the padding. With the carpet your movements may not flow and with the padded floor, it’s softer, yet it doesn’t give you the same feel as the bareness of the floor.

A hard no gives you the answer without regret. It shows you what is truthfully is, hard and unforgiving. The answers flow and slide as you dance to the question. It’s hard work not to fall when it’s slippery yet soon you realize what you are to do to be fluid.

What happens with soft yes’s? You get just that, you may get a softer image and a more imaginative story. Yet you don’t get the feel of what is really the reality you may not want to face. Softer yes’s may be playful, they may bounce you around but I’d rather know where I am, not to be bounced to a destination that doesn’t help me out because I chose softness.

A hard no, is a hard no, but it will get you all the yes’s you ned every time.

Through A Story

Through a story you find out who you are. Through my story I hope you can find a meaning to you.

Stories come and stories go, down one road and up another depending on the day. What is the bases of our stories?

When we open our eyes our stories become real, those stories we dreamt of soon go by the way side underneath the pillows forever conscious in the back of our minds. Sometimes we ask for meaning and sometimes we are shaken in an awakening that it disturbs the normality of the day. Do we really have a story, something meaningful to share?

Our stories merge as we grow. They become a compilation of many stories all rolled into one. How do we then pull those stories apart and find the truth of which ones belong to us? We carry our mothers story and our fathers. We carry their meaning and their struggles as we grow our own. As parents we sent out our stories to our children in hopes that they can learn to understand something about us. Yet the stories get jumbled and they’re, our, your story becomes one in the many we all carry along side a truth that we hide from. How do we know who we really are?

Sometimes we know and when we know a fire comes from somewhere inside to know more. To be able to separate these truths from the stories we tell ourselves reveals a deep honesty of what we may have to do. Surrendering is my first advice. Believe that first the story you tell may not be the real story and then accept that it is false. Surrender to something inside that builds upon a meaning we have buried a long time ago. When you feel afraid you are close. When you say “it will change me,” then you are jumping on the spot.

My story is unraveling right in front of you. Through my words and my stories I will try and right the wrongs I have told myself. That which I said “no” too, those ideas that said, “come find me” and Ive said, “why now.” What is real and what is true is in you, not necessarily in the stories your parents told you or the generations before you, yet in you. You do have a story to tell and it is your foundation. Sometimes the story begins with an emptiness first, then you begin to experience the new point of view. One that you will develop as you go along, not from a past perspective or even a future but in the moment you experience it. That is a story to tell.

My story is your story it is our story as we try to survive now without a story but a new beginning in which the stories we tell will be for ourselves. We will be triumphant as we begin, having courage to tell everyone the story of the me inside.

Be Alice go down the rabbit hole find your wonderland and live it everyday. The darkness of the drop may scare you but the thrill of the ride will soon dissolve your fears. As you hit bottom you will pick yourself up and head toward the adventure you will be open; too find.

I am Wandering (Wondering)

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In the midst of my insanity I wonder. I wonder why I am, what will I do and if there is a purpose for my life so far. I wonder how full I am and find myself wandering inside my head too much.

What happens when we wander aimlessly inside our minds. Lingering to often in the section that says “What If?” Then we head over to the next section that says ” What Now?” We may sit down in the chair and pour over all the ideas we have bouncing around with no conclusion, maybe even attempt to take the book out and do something about it. Action does speak louder than the silence that runs so deep within.

What now? Maybe the what and the now means to try again. Maybe it says walk to a different part of your minds library to the section that reads “No Answer.” All the books are blank because we haven’t filled them in yet. We haven’t taken the chances or made the changes required to find a page that has writing. Chance means to be neutral to what we desire, change means we just did it and have found a quite different answer. What do you think? Thinking requires thought and thought requires an emotional attachment to the process.

I think in my insanity that it requires me to stop thinking! To wander about in wonderment of all that I am. This multi thinking, multi dimensional super person that I am. To be insane to find sanity requires us to be unconventional, out of the box and not to normal. It’s being real.

I will wonder while I wander and then I wonder again. Well it’s back to the library where I will peruse a section that I have never been to before and learn something new. Then the adventure will begin.

Couches

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Couches are for sitting. Observations come next depending on the view. Who sits on the couch and do you share?

Conversations begin, debates on todays activities, even those conversations where no communication is needed. It only takes a minute for the body to meld into the cushions. it either leaves the mind behind or begins the gathering of information. The information can be visual, mental, or neither. Have you decided to sleep?

Couches are for learning. They are there for kids to jump on and for cuddles when the day is done. Couches are also for touching and kisses, yet only found occasionally. What happens when we sit on the couch. Coffee, snacks maybe motivation to not sit there at all.

I’m on my couch. I’ve decided to share this modern arena with someone else. What is happening between the area that is the safe zone. Well it holds our space right now. There are books and computers, headphones and blankets. Is there conversation, communication, mind reading?

No the space between us is pretty busy. The conversations are being written down by me and heard through the drum of headphones by the other person who has yet to vacate this space. Our space is small, our visions wide in an attempt to overtake the other, who ever gets up first. Whose space is it? The couch holds the past, the present and the future. It holds the beginning of the day where our communication may be more or less and it also ends the day when our bodies are tired and somewhat irritable from what the day has brung.

One smile across the miles of limited couch space can change the evaluation one has when the eyes meet, the mouthes open and we set down our headphones, turn off the tv, set down the computer (after I finish my writing) and say hello to the day.

Get up off the couch, put down the coffee, the internet and the silence and begin to tell your story. Make a bench in the park your new couch, a hillside where you rest your bike or you feet after a run. Maybe a swing, while watching the kids play.

I love my couch, and I love my life. I hope you do too.