What If Karma Is Really Real?

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Hey what if, I say? What if.

You know if karma is real we could be all be Fked. Not that we are but what if? I think we would have to change our train of thought because going down the wrong tracks only means a collision. We would have to take the time to sort things out, make sure we have all our ducks in a row before we begin. Could there be flags of different colours reminding us to stop, go and meander awhile or how about just RUN!

If Karma has a say so in what we end up with then I have a need to know. Maybe there’s a book out there we could read and understand the rules of the game before we said yes. When does Karma start? Do we even have a chance? I wonder if Karma began a long time ago before the universe was written, holy hell is how that would be.

I look at my life, the decisions I have made and the stories I have told. Is they’re meaning in this? I don’t know if that would help. Karma and John Lennon, did he know something we don’t. Wow I am doomed if I can’t wrap my head around this.

So much to think about or maybe it’s in the thinking that has messed us up. What if we don’t think if we look for the signs that we see and find wonder in the unbelievable.

Well maybe I will think about this again another time because my pizza is here and I’m hungry.

What A day

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What a day. A long one for sure and I can’t say it’s been all that crazy but crazy enough to share. Oh who am I lying to? I’m sitting here typing while the football game is on and I usually am not a watcher of football. Where do I begin.

It was sunny out and the blue skies had me up early enough to watch some news yet still get ready for soccer. I have a few grandkids and it’s not always that easy figuring out who I had promised to be their cheer team. The process though wasn’t too tricky today, as there was only one real game, one practice and an early hockey game which I knew I would miss. So coffee in hand I ran out the door and onto the pitches. All went well and then I came home.

Oh home was ok, wasn’t expecting the heart to heart talk yet I got through it with flying colours which doesn’t always happen. A walk was in my que and by now the clock was ticking time into the afternoon so it was now or never. Onward and out I went. Of course I decided on a direction I hadn’t gone in awhile and it soon made me realize why. I have been told that there was construction and I now say I did know, yet I will profess I didn’t if you ask. Get it done I say and I did.

Oh, it gets better believe me because I ran into a heavily joyous man, he was exhuming happiness, I think he may have been stoned, and I ended up having the best conversation I have had in awhile. Plus he looked so much like Tommy Chong it was ridiculous. I walked away excited and forgot where I was going for a moment. Half way home I started to think about my birthday. Everyone in the family has been asking so I thought it would be a great time to figure it out. I have no idea and that’s as far as it got for me.

As I turned the corner to head home I made the decision to head up the road and visit our local pawn shop. Yup love it there, one never knows the treasures one finds. Great people, warm smiles and I did I tell you Im related to them.

Long story, long and getting no where except guess what I bought a mandolin! Yup a stringed thingamagig. So magical the sound I fell in love at first sight and as I left I laughed because I did it backwards, I bought the present.

Happy birthday to me. I told you it was a crazy day and yes football is still on and it’s not so boring. (I’m actually a soccer, cycling and hockey fan)

I Went Shopping (with the grandkids)

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I did go shopping with the grandkids. I suggest everyone try this and if you don’t have any go borrow some. Kids can teach us so much and what I learned today was not only fun but informative.

The day started out, with a phone call. Mom, not me, was going to take the eldest to a Climate Change Rally and could I sit the other two. No big deal I wasn’t extra busy so it was a yes. So after the pick up I decided to take them out as I needed to buy a gift for a birthday and I asked for their help. I wondered if I could be crazy but crazy is what crazy does and off we went.

Children are always in the zone no matter where they are. I find them aware and quite inquisitive to the most normal of things. On the short drive up island we discussed everything from what the rally was all about to what to get a 70 year old birthday recipient. So what suggestions did I get well lets get out of the car and then shop.

As I drove into the parking lot I was informed by them to park at the back because there was no one around and lots of room. The decision was made to get closer because when I told them how far they had to walk it became a hard no. They thought I could drop them off out front, park and then find them. I think not yet I wondered where they could have gotten that idea. Thinking about what they said I realized how much of what they see and hear does really effect their perfect little minds and later on in life. Watch out what I say from now on, I told myself as I looked for something closer. Finding a spot, I was again notified to not park to close to other cars for various reasons and as we walked into the mall to “watch out for strangers.” That was in itself funny because I pointed out they were all strangers.

The trip around the stores and the decision to eat first was uneventful and as we looked it because very in the moment and methodical. I must tell you this was from them and not from me. We discussed over fries what to get their grandma and what was appropriate and not so much. We walked the isles, touched items and felt fabric all because they suggested it. Fully present and in the moment I began to loosen up and allow the children to take me where I needed to go. I listened to their conversations about life and found they belonged to no past nor future moment only in the “now” I am here.

We ventured about and make decisions based on what they knew about her and what they recognized she did everyday. They said they wanted her to feel young again and that she needed to have something fun to play with. Well you know not a bad idea really. I thought I’d like that for myself too. We left the mall with hands empty for grandma because pyjamas were too old and crazy t shirts, not her. I would shop another day.

Yet we did leave with hands and hearts full of conversations and love for each other. We drove home watching the storm clouds roll in and talk about soccer the next day. Life is good when you hang out with kids, gives living a perspective without negatives.

Oh and yes there was stop at the toy store because grandma’s don’t ever take their grandkids out without buying them something to take home.

Peace out everyone.

What I’m Told or I’m Not Listening

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How well, do we listen to what we are told. Like tin cans held together by string we listen intently to the hollow conversation inside the echo. Do we believe what we hear? Do we pay attention, completely immersed to what the conversation is all about? How well, do we care what another has to say.

Do we validate someone by tuning out the inner conversation we are having and finding ourselves understanding where the words are coming from. Can you hear me now? How much louder do we have to get, to get someones attention? Maybe we don’t care either.

If we all truly listened what would we hear? Honesty, true feelings, reality? Could we actually distinguish what the issues are? Could we converse back with the debate that means something to get somewhere? I’m not sure anymore. Sometimes I think we just talk to hear ourselves speak. I’m not sure our hearing even works anymore. We hear what we want to hear, stories we have taken the time to make up and believe them. What is relative any more?

I think I just gave myself another headache trying to figure this out. I think what is needed is no distractions, hand waving nor loud colourful voices that take away from the true meaning of listening. “What up”, let’s listen better, hear more and find some understanding about the reality of what matters.

I Have A Headache (Swiss Cheese)

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I have a headache. Not from a physical ailment but from all the stuff I seem to have crammed into my mind. My brain feels like Swiss cheese. Open holes for all the BS I have allowed to filter into its deep pores and linger. Some holes are small, minute crevices where insignificant thoughts hover around trying to gain entrance into the part of me that holds core memories. Instances of inconvenient nature where I decided to go along with someone else’s opinion. These thoughts linger only long enough to cause a problem yet as soon as the problem is re-thought they can go away, melt down or become minuscule .

Some holes in my Swiss cheese mind are larger and more porous. They have the ability to hold a lot more information and for an infinite amount of time. The older the cheese the longer a memory mimics our personality. I have all kinds of holes really and all kinds of realities.

My quest and question is whose memories are they and did I create this cheese brain? What if my immature self brought on the possibilities to make this Swiss? Because of our openness to be our parents we understood not another kind of understanding (cheese), but a story with unrealistic meaning? Can we be thoughts without holes, unattached to the realities conjured up by others, and held on by our subconscious minds? What if the stories and memories we acknowledge are built on stories our parents told us as young children? The burdens they carried, the desires they held, the worries they imbedded in our minds before we were old enough to realize, whose thoughts are these?

Swiss cheese. Swiss cheese minds containing stories from everyone and everything. Its time to melt the Swiss cheese get a bunch of croutons and have a fun-do!

If I could have my brain back, my mind emptied and rebuilt by my own ideas, beliefs and abilities as a child I’d be an astronaut traveling the universe without a care in the world. I’d build a better planet with humans that cared because they too are like me. We would have our brains open and free and not hard wired through the opportunities of those older than us to continue to create their world and not ours.

No more Swiss cheese.

Rain(The Sun Comes Out)

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Today the sun came back. What a welcome sight for all of us. No unwelcome dark clouds, rain pelting against the windows with wind howling through the trees. The clouds parted this morning bringing in blue skies and warmer temperatures. I welcomed this sight as I opened my eyes and I did smile.

Why is it a simple thing like sunshine and blue skies can lift our hearts and our minds? We soon forget yesterday when the sky was darker, the mood was grim and all our troubles seemed to pour out with the rain as it fell. Sunshine can take away the pain for awhile. It can open us up as we take off the layers of clothes we had put on only 24 hours ago. We can be in the moment now, almost dancing around the house not wanting to wait to get outside. Sunglasses are called for, shades to embrace the warmth on our eyes. Can we see clearly now, it seems so. Why was I so depressed yesterday, I cannot remember. Everything I thought I would never get through I did. The sheets of rain that brought failure upon my mind is now dried up and no longer waiting for me to fall down.

I see the sun raising itself up from the misery of the darkness, beginning its route across the sky. I too will follow the rays and make my way through the day. I can do this I say, I can do anything.

I’m dressed and ready to take on this day. Sun on my back, its heat flowing through to my heart. Today I love myself, my life and my vision. I promised myself as I took out my phone not to check tomorrows weather, because if I don’t maybe this will last forever.


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Rain. Fall weather brings rain especially to the Island. When I first moved here the locals told me, laughingly, if your not part duck then maybe you won’t like it here. I’m still here and I’m still getting used to the raining, grey weather the coast has this time of year.

Rain brings with it thoughts of past acquaintances, hot cups of coffee and laughter. It also brings with it the sadness of summer gone. Rain washes away the dirt and grime of dusty days and begins to nourish once more the trees and plants parched from the summer sun. Rain brings joy to children overly dressed in rain suits and gum boots, running through large puddles without a care in the world. Yet sometimes rain enhances the sorrow we keep inside. The days on end when we look out our windows and see only the darkness and cloud filled skies. It reminds us of all, of what we have been through and maybe there’s more to come. It fills our days with inside activities and non conversations because rain makes us silent.

I decided to walk in the rain, to embrace this sadness that the raindrops make me feel. I want the cold rain to quench my thirst for happiness and to wash away my troubled mind. I walk through those puddles that would make a child laugh and see my reflection. I look deeply into the my wobbly face and find my eyes, a somber yearning for happier days. I almost stopped there and froze as the wind whipped me around yet I decided to keep moving. I walked for a long while thinking yet not absorbing my thoughts. There was one moment of clearing with the wind stopping and the rain slowing down. I took off my rain cap and looked around and saw no one else. Made me wonder what others do when it rains?.

Rain has been given a job, it cries the tears you cannot, it opens the soul so when the sun comes out it can reach deep inside to heal. Maybe just maybe, if we believe more in ourselves we can find happiness on raining days. We can be like children without cares and love the falling of leaves and embrace the cloudy day as much as we love summer.

I arrive home soaked and cold yet happy inside that I decided to get out of myself and find freedom in the rain. I believe I will become a duck more often.


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Standing in the rain, I am cleansed. Letting the raindrops fall in-between the space I’m in, is healing. Yet I ask myself why do I choose to stand in the rain.

My thoughts today took me to this thought, this wondering. Yet it has nothing to do with the rain. I did see how the plants and trees enveloped the rain and it soothed them. They drink from this water, a life giving food. I look at the pavement in front of my place and understand the cleansing it gets for free. Did I need to put on my raincoat and too stand in the rain and feel cleansed? Freeing me from what I am feeling today. Should I face the rain head up and let it wash away my pain, my fear and my doubts? Do I need the rain.

What makes us feel needed? Why do we depend on it? When I feel need do I only need myself?

I think I will stand in front of my window and watch the beauty of the rain. To be attached by just watching and not being in it. If I do this maybe I can find out that all I need is me.

It’s Late and I’m Tired

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It’s late and I’m tired. Spent all day trying to figure it out, so now I don’t have whole lot of energy to tell you how I feel. I want to be eloquent and thought worthy yet my eyes are about to close. I had so much to say about worldly events, all those things people do that trouble me and now my mind is blank.

All those things that were of so much importance to me, will have to wait until tomorrow. I hope I can remember them. Right now I just want to lay down, say goodnight and believe tomorrow will be a more productive day.

So under the blankets I go, ready to cozy up to my pillow and release my body from all its daily routines. All my obligations to family and friends are put into a tomorrow list and now to go to sleep.


I’m awake. What has happened, my mind says no to the darkness of my room, it says wake back up we have way to much to do. All those things that I had on my mind are now jumping all over me. They are reminding me of the do’s and don’ts, the not yet and the possibilities of what could happen if I change my mind. Thoughts that won’t go away, won’t hide from my sleeping eyes. Where did the tired go?

I need to remember about breath, to simply think about meditating reminding myself how to get rid of these thoughts through inner determination. Count to ten, breathe in deeply and focus on the nose. OM is not the answer, sheep won’t fit in my room, and warm milk makes me want to throw up.

Forget it. Out comes the feet from under the covers. Even the cat looks up and can’t believe I’m tossing her around. Better get the robe and head for the couch it’s going to be a long night.


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Forgive, define please. Help me to understand this word in an honest way.

Forgiveness has two faces. To fore give is to believe in truth, to pass forward an honesty that may have an opportune moment to betray. How do we forgive people, to ask them for forgiveness when we cannot look into the mirror and do the same to ourselves. “Oh, I forgive you, but….”

The past is irreverent to the future if the choices that we have made in the present are better, we learn from our actions. Did we learn from past mistakes? Then to forgive is what? Why do we dredge up the past when not needed. Bring up old wounds when the wounds do not even belong to us? Who really wins? Forgiveness then becomes judgement, blame and shame.

Do we think we can justify our own self worth by associating ourselves with someone elses past actions? Can we be certain that it’s worth the motivation to do so, to jockey ourselves into a win? I’m sorry I see that as a loss. Do we ask ourselves about mirrors, justifications and reason? We have all done things in a past tense that may be associated as wrongful. We cannot represent the past and be in the present at the same time. Why not be positive. We are all living through change. What was right before is not right now yet to be called out for being young and stupid well we have all been there, done that. Let’s look at positive action and be present in all we hear, see and feel. Concentrate on where we go from here in the betterment, negativity is not a cause we should bandwagon for.

Let’s be real. Let’s be truthful and let’s have an open honest conversation and when we say forgive we actually mean it.