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I learned something today.

I learned I can be aware of how others feel. That I am able to listen to the flow of words that come out of conversations without misunderstanding the content. I took a breath as I listened and chose to hear their truth instead of my own drama.

How does that happen? Did I grow up, become ten feet tall? Did my ears grow bigger so I could understand more? Maybe I have a sense of what people want from me, which is nothing more than my smile. Let’s laugh more and cry less.

I can look at you and see your true worth. I know why you are, the way you are and now I can believe in you. Did you change something about yourself, maybe you hair? No you are the same. I think I’ve changed, matured into a better person. Now maybe we can hang out together more. I will put down the sword if you do. The forked tongues that didn’t help us converse. Let’s learn to be friends, no longer lovers or in a relationship. I just want to relate.

Being platonic is interesting. No longer am I involved in the day to day drama but in want to discover more about who we are together by being apart. Room mates with lives not attached yet here help each other out with the strengths we have.

So yes after we talked no one walked away, there was no resentment or blame. We shook hands saying we would see things differently as two people trying to survive in a world gone wrong.

Breaking Up? (What Does That Mean?)

Breaking Up is hard to do?

People break up, yes they do, yet why Up?. Whether in a relationship or a friendship, we always say “break up.” It seems to me that we should be saying breaking apart. We have break downs because of break ups but never break throughs. To break up means to move upward to a better destination. To have more awareness over the value of not being together yet does it really happen?

Most of us who have gone through “break ups” have also had break downs. Down the rabbit hole of depressing thoughts and actions unaware that we should be going upward because we have just have a break up. I like the word break through. To be able to break up, then break down and then have a break threw to another level, is the value of being through. When we break up we discover what holds us back in relating to the other people involved. It should help us be enlightened hence the word “UP” yet we fall down hard. Rocks in our pockets, like thoughts that keep us down are not helpful at all. I want to break and then glue myself together again if possible. I would rather break apart and let go of the broken pieces and know about the upwards after.

Breaking up is hard to do because breaking up really doesn’t happen that way. Maybe that’s why it’s so HARD!

When It’s Time to; Not Go Down The Rabbit Hole:

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When do we know?

When do we know that it’s time to reroute and not do the same thing we always do? The idea of always knowing and always deciding that rabbit holes are best. When we go down the rabbit hole we discover the downside, we get deep and dark, sometimes putting ourselves at risk before we understand the outcome. What outcomes we have are always revealed at the bottom when we slide into the sunlight at the base of our consciousness.

Making the decision to climb the tree instead is unheard of for those of us that like Alice have understood that the rabbit hole and wonderland is the only choice. I dare Alice to reconsider. There’s always a choice and what if the choice is looking up instead of finding the downward angle.

Find a good sturdy tree and climb up. Pick branches that can support you yet have no desire to hold you in place, to dangle you above the ground. Take your time about how you see the climb unravel before you and even enjoy the view as you climb up. Each branch is a stopping point, a place to contemplate how high you would like to go and if it is possible. Never put yourself in danger because you can’t see exactly the next step up. Hang out for awhile on the branch let it support you in the positivity of climbing upwards. No one wants to fall, falling blindly back into the rabbit hole below.

Believe that sometimes the climb up above the tree tops gives you a better view, a view where sliding isn’t always necessary. You never know whom you may find as the Madd Hatter may very well be having tea at the tree top and invite you in.

Good day For Doors

Walk through one door and you have to close another, that’s the way it is. Knocking on the door may make some noise but if no ones home you need to move on. Don’t wait all day because some doors may never open. If you do stick around and wait you may miss the opportunity that awaits you next door where the door is already open.

Doors open and doors close yet we seem to always put our foot in the jam. We want to peek inside to see what’s available to us or we tend to hold our foot in the door afraid if it shut we can’t get back in. No one holds the door open nor is there anyone to shut it behind you. We all have to own up to the doors we choose, no one else can. It is our responsibility to believe that we know something about the doors we pick. There’s people we will meet in there, ideas that we will consider. The clock on the wall may chime the time to leave and if we are not observant we may stay too long and miss the reality of moving on.

Today could be the day that you see a new door. Notice the colour or the contour. Do you think it’s beautiful? If it attracts you then go take a look, use the knocker and see if someone opens the door. Something new awaits you, always remember that knowledge waits for no one but is always available if you ask for it. Tomorrow you may be different, tomorrow you may stay too long and fall asleep only to wake up and see the room empty. All the creativity that was there has moved on.

Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow. I think I will find my door today.

The Dark Universe

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Very time I see the wonders of a dark night I am embraced by something greater than myself. To look upwards into the darkened sky and feel the nothingness that possess me, I am so little. I want to swing on those stars that shine so bright, to be a satellite being embraced by the solar system. I want to be that free.

Then, I look down. I see my feet held down by gravity and my heart feels heavy. I think about all the problems of this world and I am depressed into the cement beneath my feet, I am small. I can’t move. My arms hold my body at the waist and I stand there trying to figure out my next move. Where am I and how do I fit into the universe above me.

My problems seem so large, maybe I can slingshot them to the moon since it is so barren. If there’s no one up there then no one should care. I wonder and wish that someone would. Not that I am alone but somedays I hear so much from so many that I become silent.

Alone we walk this earth, alone we try to find validation from our small selves and only wish to be bigger than life itself. I think I will stay here by the shore listening to the ocean wash itself upon the shore. I will gaze upward toward the universe unknown and hope that it sees me.


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Patterns, what do they mean? Is the pattern, the pattern? Is it time to change the pattern of how we live our lives, separate and as a whole.

Some of you may be familiar with the Netflix movie Maniac, where in the future a group of people go into a Pharma research project. During the project, a few learn about themselves and the patterns the have created their lives.

So can we look at that, the patterns that we have created willingly, and also the subconscious patterns that have been passed down to us from previous generations? Is it time to look deep within and see those particulars that may have created the patterns stopping our process of having a better life?

Let’s colour our world, having the patience to pick only when we choose. To understand the ideas that come around more often and what pushes our buttons.

It’s time to take the time and give ourselves a time out. It’s time to review everything about ourselves and if we see a pattern of things that don’t fit us well, I guess it’s time to get real. Let’s figure out how to learn something new about why we do what we do. It’s not about the glue and the cracked awareness, it’s about throwing out the cup and finding a new awareness that can move us forward. Everything we want is ready to be found we just have to take the pattern an undo the “stuff” that has stitched it together. Pick the colours and build the pattern we choose, have the challenges that inspire us to finally change.

The pattern is the pattern until you change it.

A Hard No

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Is “It” a hard no? Could it be that there is the possibility of a softer, yes?

Faced with an indecision do you take a hard look at the answer facing you? Is there a possibility of skirting the issue for now, to make for an easier choice? What is the difference between a hard no and a soft yes.

Dance on a hard wood floor, there is no give, it gives back without barriers. You move, you twirl, you sway and the floor beneath you gives what you give to it, that being the energy of your feet upon its surface.

Dance on a carpet or a well padded floor and you will get soft and pliable, a softer feel. You may eventually get friction from the carpet, or a softer dance with the padding. With the carpet your movements may not flow and with the padded floor, it’s softer, yet it doesn’t give you the same feel as the bareness of the floor.

A hard no gives you the answer without regret. It shows you what is truthfully is, hard and unforgiving. The answers flow and slide as you dance to the question. It’s hard work not to fall when it’s slippery yet soon you realize what you are to do to be fluid.

What happens with soft yes’s? You get just that, you may get a softer image and a more imaginative story. Yet you don’t get the feel of what is really the reality you may not want to face. Softer yes’s may be playful, they may bounce you around but I’d rather know where I am, not to be bounced to a destination that doesn’t help me out because I chose softness.

A hard no, is a hard no, but it will get you all the yes’s you ned every time.

Through A Story

Through a story you find out who you are. Through my story I hope you can find a meaning to you.

Stories come and stories go, down one road and up another depending on the day. What is the bases of our stories?

When we open our eyes our stories become real, those stories we dreamt of soon go by the way side underneath the pillows forever conscious in the back of our minds. Sometimes we ask for meaning and sometimes we are shaken in an awakening that it disturbs the normality of the day. Do we really have a story, something meaningful to share?

Our stories merge as we grow. They become a compilation of many stories all rolled into one. How do we then pull those stories apart and find the truth of which ones belong to us? We carry our mothers story and our fathers. We carry their meaning and their struggles as we grow our own. As parents we sent out our stories to our children in hopes that they can learn to understand something about us. Yet the stories get jumbled and they’re, our, your story becomes one in the many we all carry along side a truth that we hide from. How do we know who we really are?

Sometimes we know and when we know a fire comes from somewhere inside to know more. To be able to separate these truths from the stories we tell ourselves reveals a deep honesty of what we may have to do. Surrendering is my first advice. Believe that first the story you tell may not be the real story and then accept that it is false. Surrender to something inside that builds upon a meaning we have buried a long time ago. When you feel afraid you are close. When you say “it will change me,” then you are jumping on the spot.

My story is unraveling right in front of you. Through my words and my stories I will try and right the wrongs I have told myself. That which I said “no” too, those ideas that said, “come find me” and Ive said, “why now.” What is real and what is true is in you, not necessarily in the stories your parents told you or the generations before you, yet in you. You do have a story to tell and it is your foundation. Sometimes the story begins with an emptiness first, then you begin to experience the new point of view. One that you will develop as you go along, not from a past perspective or even a future but in the moment you experience it. That is a story to tell.

My story is your story it is our story as we try to survive now without a story but a new beginning in which the stories we tell will be for ourselves. We will be triumphant as we begin, having courage to tell everyone the story of the me inside.

Be Alice go down the rabbit hole find your wonderland and live it everyday. The darkness of the drop may scare you but the thrill of the ride will soon dissolve your fears. As you hit bottom you will pick yourself up and head toward the adventure you will be open; too find.

I am Wandering (Wondering)

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In the midst of my insanity I wonder. I wonder why I am, what will I do and if there is a purpose for my life so far. I wonder how full I am and find myself wandering inside my head too much.

What happens when we wander aimlessly inside our minds. Lingering to often in the section that says “What If?” Then we head over to the next section that says ” What Now?” We may sit down in the chair and pour over all the ideas we have bouncing around with no conclusion, maybe even attempt to take the book out and do something about it. Action does speak louder than the silence that runs so deep within.

What now? Maybe the what and the now means to try again. Maybe it says walk to a different part of your minds library to the section that reads “No Answer.” All the books are blank because we haven’t filled them in yet. We haven’t taken the chances or made the changes required to find a page that has writing. Chance means to be neutral to what we desire, change means we just did it and have found a quite different answer. What do you think? Thinking requires thought and thought requires an emotional attachment to the process.

I think in my insanity that it requires me to stop thinking! To wander about in wonderment of all that I am. This multi thinking, multi dimensional super person that I am. To be insane to find sanity requires us to be unconventional, out of the box and not to normal. It’s being real.

I will wonder while I wander and then I wonder again. Well it’s back to the library where I will peruse a section that I have never been to before and learn something new. Then the adventure will begin.