Instantaneous Whatever

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Instantaneous This, Instantaneous That, I just want it now.

Instantaneous gratification, something I still can’t wrap my head around. My mind that’s another matter and another story. Instant, now, yesterday, some of the words I can come up with when I think of the word instantaneous. When I think of the word gratification I’m not necessarily putting the two together. Gratitude to me involves patience, compassion and understanding. The fact that it takes time to produce a quality action not something as quick as pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Hey it’s magic.

Today I was standing in line at Food Koma, my new favourite for take out, and I was about third in line. It wasn’t too busy and it also takes time to make good food, had to add that. In front of me was a mom and her kids, not young enough to carry and old enough to know what patience is. I waited for it to be my turn which was quicker than I thought. Not two seconds after my order was in, the lady in front of me about five seconds all I could hear is, “Is it ready yet?” Come on it’s only been enough time for the poor guy to walk to the back to start the food let alone being done. “No not yet.” I heard. I also had heard him say she would be about a fifteen minute wait time and I heard no complaint then. “Are you sure?” she said again over and above the sound of people eating, laughter and the hockey game. “I can’t believe it’s taking so long.” Long? Ah I don’t think so she hasn’t even had time to walk over to the forks and knives yet. Her voice kept getting louder, as if her mouth only uttered “Attention, Attention, I want attention.” Instantaneous Gratification?

Why is it we seem to have lost the power of gratitude, patience and understanding? Do we not feel sorry for the people in the hospitality business? It’s not as if the poor guy was not trying, he had three orders on the go and was still smiling over her ranting. Her children ran about under tables and almost upending the order in front of hers while she still couldn’t believe why it was taking so long. I almost said through my teeth “If you wanted fast you should have gone to 7-11!” Good food takes care and attention. We are so self centred in this era of gratification, instant seems to be the buzz word. It’s not only in what I observed but also in grocery lines, retail outlets and any other place that you need time for delivery.

Let’s try to be more conscientious, be more willing to slow down, more appreciating of what we have and what others do for us. Not be instant in what we want but to be willing to work toward it. Start by giving more time to something that may need it, not to over buy and have to return just to enjoy it for an “Instant”. Work at your ethics when it comes to the values we hold true.

So think about it and I bet you can come up with stories of your own where you witnessed this thing called Instantaneous Gratification, but be careful if you act upon it you may Instantly Combust.


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What’s the reason for purpose? Can I really say I’m in purpose? Are you in purpose? Is the world in purpose?

Ok then now what? What are we to do with this information? I’m supposing you said something about the purpose part and gave me information. To be in purpose how does that come about? Is it purposeful for me to tell you that even though I was a misunderstood child, I should smile because it was in purpose? What about someone else whose been a victim of someone else or of circumstance? Is evil purposeful? Pretty powerful stuff I would say.

So say we are, all in purpose. It doesn’t matter what that purpose is, yet it needs to be fulfilled? Do we have free will to change it, move it forward or backward in time, release it so it never comes about? That in itself is purpose proposed. I think I’d try to experiment with this, maybe we all should. For one day, 12 hours, we should all try to figure out what our purpose could be. Don’t be shy, be powerful in your attempt to figure out why you are here and even who put you here.

Could we be predestined to a purpose? Maybe predisposed too acting and reacting to certain situations, is that purpose? What if free will doesn’t exist because we are just puppets on strings. Who are the puppeteers and can we get away? Far out man, so far out it is in my face. Tomorrow for those 12 hours I will try to act out purpose, see the experiences that happen to me, for me and through me and try to figure out the bigger picture. Can I learn something more about me or even about someone else? That person that always grates me the wrong way, the employee that’s always acting out of context or even my partner when I don’t understand him. Are these people all in purpose. Do they feel the same as me?

What can I learn from this, even in those moments of darkness when I see everything falling apart, is they’re truth here. Can someone really be in purpose and be negative and (for lack of a better word) evil? One thing I do know that if we are all in purpose why wouldn’t we try to be the best “in purpose” person we could be? What If that purpose is only to awake each morning face the mirror and smile. Then take that smile into our day even if it’s crappy, a smile can go a long ways into melting a ton of ice.

I want to believe I have a purpose and I also want to believe that I can change those experiences that bring me a purpose that I don’t understand. To gain the knowledge to help those that do not know their purpose to find it and believe there is still good in this world of ours, even in our darkest days.

Love, loves through us and then like tendrils attaches onto another creating a purpose that is in contact with both. Honour yourself, truth is the most powerful tool we all possess and that in itself is Purpose.

What Are Your Fail/Safes?

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What are fail/safes? How many do you have? I have a lot, too many to reveal. I have some for days when I want to procrastinate, others when winning becomes too hard and more when I realize failing is easier than overcoming adversity.

My pockets some days are so full there is no need to pick them to find which one to use. I think they are all general to every topic I can think about. The times when I have to stand up and move mountains, I have a shovel to dig myself in deeper. When I have a decision to make concerning my future, say a change of career, I can pull a card that says why, it’s safer to stay put. What about simple things like hobbies? Those are my acceptance and rejection cards. All I have to do is think I may want to try something new and I reach into my pocket pull out the stories of how I will look silly, be incompetent or not be good at it and the card has done its job. You’ll find me on the couch with a bag of chips and a sad movie. Who gets me, I am the only one that can.

If you belong, most of the time we don’t, we are accepted and rejection is just a foreign word. If you try, fail/safe can’t play because no matter the outcome we have faced our fears. The last but not the least is to listen to your guts. It’s your best defence against fail/safe. Butterflies and upset tummies are a good indiction too query. Asking yourself why be defensive when offence is the ones to score the goals. To see enemies before you, these are usually the stories we all ourselves, are illusions, unless they are real, and then the story would have a different outcome. Always remember you employ your own defence and those are the truths that stand behind you preparing you to spring forward into whatever your heart desires. To tell ourselves no we can’t is the story and the only truth lies in the honesty that you did try and it worked out the way it did. Now you can move on into another adventure and try again. Choose something, try everything and challenge its outcome. In the end you will have changed into a more represented persona on who you really are.

No more fail/safe just push the button.

Whats In A Word?

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Ever stare at the letters that make up a word and they seem all wrong? Word. Word up, word to the wise. What is the true definition of word? I am word, you are word, it is the word of all. We read words on a page and it makes up a story. We may tell our selves a story made up of words and there is always the word formed by a bunch of single letters grouped together it make one.

I thought to myself today and about the word, word and could I define myself with and through a word? I am, (Word). Would I make up a word without it having a true meaning and then give it life? Guess what I just made up a word. Words give you faith, they can also take away your faith in mankind. Words can become loving and kind then turn upside down and be ugly and mean. How can words mean two things at the same time?

Words in a dictionary have no meaning, their just words on a page that someone at sometime in history gave it a meaning and made it mean something. Those too are words. Truth that too is a word.

Waking, talking they are action words. Peace and belief they too are words not often used. We seem to use other words not so endearing more often. Most of the time we use fake words when we make up stories in venues where whomever reads them doesn’t even know us. Fake words with no meaning.

Word to the wise, be present in all you word up. Be alive in the words you use to present yourself in a better way. Give you self a present and use the word love, joy and happy more often. Word!

Wantons and Wisdom

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Saturday, the 6th day of the week, first day of the weekend, sleeping in on a good day or having to get up and keep moving as if it’s any other day.

So when we decided to get up early and pack our backpacks we made this Saturday a day of Something we called Wantons and Wisdom. Wantons and Wisdom meant a trek into the city by bus. It also meant sitting down at our favourite soup dumpling place for a few hours of eating, laughing and discussing anything we wanted. No holding back on this Saturday we all had a book full of notes we had taken and ideas we felt we could represent to the whole. Wantons and Wisdom was an idea we had awhile back when we tired of taking most of the day to decide where we wanted to go and who was in charge. This usually happened only once a month when our calendars all aligned and we could come together as group. It didn’t start out as a trip or an idea to sit down and eat but a chance to explore the city, do something we all liked to do and then of course eat. We could have called it pizza and pleasure or doughnuts and do nots yet there’s something about soup dumplings that make your mouth water. Is it the juice inside the dumpling, the warm broth that surrounds your mouth in pleasure or the laughter that just happens as someone gets juice down their chin.

Todays soup wisdom to discuss was “whatever your heart desires,” which is the topic we chose. You see our wantons come with a talking spoon. As we go around the table we can choose something to say before we eat the dumpling. The general topic is predesignated but you can expand you self identity as long as you stay within the topic itself. So, whatever your heart desires lets us discuss emotions or emotional boundaries. Maybe future trips on our individual bucket list or the next topic for Wantons and Wisdom. As we all waited for our bowls or steamers to arrive we waited in anticipation of that moment when the staff would bring our food thank us for coming and leave us for the next while to enjoy. One by one we took deep breaths, inhaling the smell of broth, the uniquely pressed together dumpling that we couldn’t figure out how they got the juice inside. “Family secret” we would be told and then we would all laugh, mouths full and not caring how funny we looked.

This particular Saturday I called ahead and told them we were coming and could they do something out of the ordinary for me. Of course they would and what could it be. I asked them to make 5 dumplings one for each bowl with a fortune inside. I left it up to them as to how they would make that work, while trying to keep my enthusiasm down a whole lot. On arrival we took our seats, did the usual and waited. I couldn’t know exactly how this would be pulled off yet I knew it would. One by one the bowls were delivered and I wondered, for I too would be surprised.

I couldn’t know when each of us would get the dumpling, the anticipation causing me to act out of character. One by one it began and as we spoke of our hearts desire we ate and we pulled a fortune out of the dumpling. By amazement it worked. The people who knew us so well did such a good job of making each fortune become part of the hearts desire I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t let on it was me and I pulled it off.

So Wantons and Wisdom got us through another Saturday of love laughter and family. We knew our schedules would take us to other commitments and journeys for a while to come but now it was game on and who knows what the next Wanton and Wisdom Saturday would bring us in togetherness.

Peace out and love your family. Find a little wisdom in whichever you choose no matter what day it is.

Bad grandma!

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Am I a bad grandma? Maybe!

Do I do as I’m told? Sometimes!

Will I ever get it? Probably not!

I love my grandkids and they love me. They call me the “Yes” grandma. Not sure if that’s a good thing but I will take it as it is. “Attention please I am not a bad grandma in the way most people think, I’m just me grandma.” I am not your typical grandma, I’m the mamma bear, the influencer and the protagonist. Also a pretty great care giver. What makes me the other word, “bad”? It’s nothing more than not listening to some of the things I have on my check list. They may not get to bed on time, they may watch a movie not allowed, (all in good taste) and maybe a video game after homework. Take note I said “after” homework. I think I love to be bad because it’s my expression of being loving, to be able to give in, give up something not allowed and be brave to get yelled at. The kids think it’s funny and so do I. It’s not that I’m “Dis’ing” the parents, it’s just fun to try and get away with it. My kids were unlucky, their grandma lived far away so on a day to day basis there was no grannie love, no “please mom don’t let the kids do that” as I can do now.

Today I did it and tomorrow I will again. I will probably let the kids go crazy to use up their energy by chasing me around the house. Take them the long way home so we will be late, homework can wait. A video game on a weekday can sometimes cure the blues and if they don’t like what mom made for supper, bad grandma will make them something else, something mom will eat as well (LOL).

Being a BAD grandma is all in a days work. It’s done with all the love and compassion I have. The belief that different is good in moderation, timing is everything, as we need to get it all done before mom gets home and the joy of teasing the parents is all in fun.

Peace out and if you’re a mom let grandma be bad once in awhile because it’s all in a days work.

Biology of Belief

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If what you believe is true, is it? If what is true is true do you still believe it? If who you are is your biology can you find truth in this statement?

Am I the biology of my beliefs? Could it be another way of stating “and therefore I Am?” We know biology as a system of science and cells. What if we are our biology? ? I guess it would come down to how well we know ourselves. Our thoughts are contained in our actions, our actions are the default of our sub conscious that already has the answer before we do. In a way I am asking who runs the show? Is it the person that stands in her body or is it some past notion recognized by as a “oh yeah we have been here before,” and acts on it. A reference, a book mark and reminder of how it was done in another place another time?

Who controls our biology if its not us? Do we live out our lives as a collective? One in which thoughts become traumatic if we allow it or positive if we understand it? To understand it, can we then leave it all behind. I want this to be my life, lived by no regret in a time when I make up my mind, as it is my mind, and not any other generation before me. Let’s not do it the way our parents did, our past generations did, like history did. New, exciting, adventurous. Lets fly by the seat of our pants and make a new history which never becomes history because it is always in the making.

The biology of belief make sure it’s yours, before making it real.

What Are You Listening To?


“Hello, may I ask what you’re listening to?” I think about stopping people all the time to ask them just that. The curiosity around this subject is enticing. Today on my power walk I began to notice how many people were out with their earphones snuggly in place. Smiles on, jacket and gloves they marched along at their own pace tuned in or maybe tuned out.

Some walked slow and methodic, I will call them the turtles. Others seemed like jack rabbits bouncing down the seawall in a hurry. Where were they going and why did they have to get there so fast. Some on lunch hour some on days off they were out side today. I too came out of my hide’y hole enchanted with the sunshine. We have had a lot of rain lately which endorses, the “stay at home” idea. As I too hurried about on my own agenda and as I listened to my audible my curiosity got the best of me. I knew what I was listening to but who or what did they listen too.

I viewed the world differently as I made up stories about the people I saw. Imagined some listening to music declaring the type by the clothes they wore. I could see mouths singing along and or fingers tapping out the music. I knew that somewhere some of those were on audible. The faces of seriousness and concentration, the not so brisk steps as they slowed down to listen better. Maybe I would also include the very few who talked to someone somewhere else. Lastly and I shall not put them last but first are those who can sit on a bench release themselves from all activity, mind body and soul.
So what do you listen to, while you walk, run or sit on a bench in contentment of the day. Are you a serious thinker, a romanticist or a learner. Do you listen to music as you walk or run about your day, before or after lunch, on your way home from a days earnings. Do you leave the planet in search of higher authority, mindfulness or maybe get down to the most danceable music you can find.

I wish I would have stopped them, asked them, included them in my own conversation of “what do you listen to.” Yet why would I when they were so inclusive to what they did. So happy to be outside and out of their minds, I couldn’t waste those precious moments when we can all tune in, or tune out for just a little while.

I Am Thinking

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I am thinking, today anyways. Some days I leave my mind somewhere else and behave like a no mind. Which is better? I guess I would be dependent on where my head is at. Am I seeing in a higher purview getting the bigger picture or am I up my butt where it’s dark and morbid. Somedays…….!

Today I feel like genius and it feels good. I am amazed when the light comes on and all the thoughts in my mind are positive and productive. Who I am, what I am and how I am living in my world is available and known. The counterproductive end is of course the “other end” I should on those days just sit on the toilet and let the flushing do the talking because that’s what it feels like. I believe though, I need both kinds of days. Those that are productive and those odd days of counter production. As I birth my ideas I see who I am and what I want to do with what I have. Am I blinded by the light bulb and then when I get used to the brightness I am a discover’er of mental health? Then there are those other days. The ones we choose not to be involved in. The mental breakdown of it all because we cannot seem to stop falling down, falling apart or falling into the pit of our emotional messes. Crap happens. The toilet is the let go when we can mentally tally the day as a loss with “I will try again tomorrow.” That is turning it around. The pepto bismal of mental thought.

We are survivors. make sure you have the tools necessary to float through the shit when it happens and to flow through the waters of life when we can. Today’s thoughts transcend me to a higher plane where I seem to be acquiring knowledge. Tomorrow I may fall smack on my head and wonder what the fck happened. I will survive. I am a volcano and I a ready to bubble over.

Peace out everyone. Be real.

Hockey And Our Sunday Fare

It’s Hockey and it is Sunday. Most of the time here it’s Hockey Night In Canada and Saturdays. It’s also pizza night. Three for three, hip hip hurray.

I started my day by going to my granddaughter’s hockey game. Kids, ice, hot drinks and food. I look about and see the dreams of adults in the uniforms of the kids. It was a president day for all of us as my granddaughter scored her first goal. Yup proud as proud can be. She being only one of two girls on her mixed squad, she always wants to step up her game. Game over we had a win but my win is yet to come.

So how does this go, Hockey and Sunday? Well, maybe it’s the hockey and maybe it’s the pizza all depends on whom to talk too. There is always an organized agenda, because to have pizza in our house usually means fitness of some kind. Couching it comes later when we are all too pooped to participate. Isn’t this redundant you may ask, well, maybe. I know mother may I, yes you may but how many miles did you do? Whatever.

Did I mention hockeys on again, now as we await the delivery of the savoury cheese filled gooey monstrosity we have ordered. Whose the favourite team and again into the hat the teams go and that’s what we watch, or the news. Because not everyone wants to watch hockey.

Love your life people it could end tomorrow. Do what you do and make it fun. I learned that today as a proud person who sat in the stands and cheered on a little girl with big dreams. We sometimes forget that we become so serious as we get older, so much to accomplish so much to deliver. Let’s deliver ourselves to the happiness pile. Try something new to the Sunday menu, good for you or not. Go for a walk, hike run or run to get groceries. Leave the car and the worries behind. Laugh like a child, believe in the unbelievable and find joy in those that surround you.

Ding dong pizza is here. Good night y’all. Enjoy like tomorrow will never come and the tomorrows after are filled with all you hope for. Trust the universe and it will deliver.