Wandering

Photo by Bess Hamiti on Pexels.com

I seem to be wandering through my mind. My hot air balloon drifting along in a void of consciously being aware of my surroundings. I think if Alice were around she would be intimidated by the surroundings my thoughts have taken. “Where are you,” I can say to myself and I would answer back, “I don’t know.” I think I need to get real and do just that go find myself and save me. I can’t wander in this balloon forever, my mind will go crazy with all the loneliness I am feeling. I wish Alice was here, she’d know exactly what to do.

It is a great time to take a vacation from my life I thought, go fly a kite or like I decided to do get into a hot air balloon and fly around until I would come down. At first it was easy, just being around not doing much liking the fact there is no one around. I forgot to take my phone, left on the bed not realizing it would be forgotten. I took a few things like books, pen and paper, even a old tape recorder so I could talk to myself. Interesting the things we say when alone. No one to argue with, take a different view point or tell you that you are not yourself. Crazy times up here all alone. A rope would have been a good idea because them I could have come down anytime.

Where am I going? What am I doing? I think I have forgotten. I had a plan, a map and my mind thought it was all amazing. Yet what I forgot was my potential. Eventually I will loose the wind in my sails, the compass won’t work and I most likely will never get to where I had intended myself to go. Such grand ideas. What was I thinking, not reality apparently. It’s time to not think and create.

Off in the distance there is a mountain. I will sail there and tie my balloon to the top. I can then collect myself, grab my things and start a new adventure. An adventure that will be worth taking, one that involves doing something instead of wishing it to be true. The experience will be incredible because I won’t make decisions based on history or the stories I tell myself. I can start over and feel free. Nothing I was will be included in the person I will be.

These times have been a learning experience for me. Being by myself I can let go of the stuff I have held onto, “Just because” and find my true meaning to life. I can decide to move forward in a new direction and not look back on “My history” to guide me but faith that is binding. It’s time to shut off the tv, talk to people and not my phone and yes read a book. I can’t invite others over but I can invite myself into my own world and write my story.

I will make it, we will all make it through this. How we do depends on each of us and collectively. Don’t be afraid of being lonely. Don’t be afraid to spend this time on a new resume or baking bread. Find something interesting to do. There’s a real world out there waiting to be discovered by all of us. Let’s wake up, partake in life and believe in ourselves once again.

I am drifting closer to my mountain and I can see the climb down will be easy. I have the right thoughts, the great mood and the understanding that I trust myself more than ever.

Peace out and find the faith in you.

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