I’m sitting on the edge of an abyss. What am I doing here I ask myself? Why am I sitting here looking down on the edge of nowhere? Could I be trying to find somewhere? I’m suppose to fall if I remember, fall into an abyss of cloud and mist, letting myself free fall into nowhere. Nowhere always becomes somewhere, is it a here or an else that I see?
I’m now standing at the edge of a mountain ledge looking down. I can see where I was and now am. If I look up there is no where to climb unless I get a ladder to the clouds. Like Jack I will climb my beanstalk. My toes are planted on the edge curled into the rock that supports me. My centre of gravity is at my knees because I’m abut to surrender myself to the gods of the sky. Can I remember why I climbed so high? Should I forget the fact that the only way down is to fall?
My lungs fill with the agitation of less oxygen and I take another. I’m solo up here no one else felt like taking the risk, I did. Hands to the sky I salute my life in accordance to a plan that I initiated at birth. I told myself I would climb the highest mountain and upon reaching the top I would free fall to a life unknown. I hope that softness of the heart is forgiving. The top of the trees protecting and my body able to be manipulated back in shape afterwards. One more look and I count to three. I release my body to the abyss and I fall. I can see forever and I hold onto that minute for as long as I can. I again count to three and release the ripcord. Up I go a mile a second until I float down. What a rush for the body, a feeling of being ripped from my senses and freedom for the soul.
Life feels like being on the edge of an abyss right now. An abyss of choices and challenges in which we will never be the same again.
Peace out my friends and enjoy a new freedom of finding yourself once you go back outside.
Hey remember the book Stranger In A Strange Land? If you do, you may relate to what I’m about to write.
I woke up tis morning feeling like a stranger in a strange land. I know it is Saturday I thought yet it doesn’t seem like Saturday. I got up and looked outside and yup I was still in my neighbourhood. The trees were still there and the sidewalk and the trains yet where are the typical Saturday noises. I pinched myself and knew I am alive and then I remembered what has happened. The noises of Saturday morning are gone. There’s no one outside, no cyclists buzzing by and no dogs on leashes. Normal has become strange and even the strange which sometimes occurs has become insane. I am a stranger in a strange land. A land of distances required to stay alive, masks to hide our smiles and no healthy socializing. I’ve landed in a alternate world where I don’t feel like I belong. Long gone are the walks on the beach, the rides in the mountains on my bike and the coffee gossip hour I looked forward to with my friends. You can hear a pin drop at night, no signs of activity and no sirens to alert you of danger.
I am a martian. I may not look like one yet I feel like one. Getting up and getting going is gone, hectic has become a lot of time to spare, so strange. I wonder if language will change? The language of the heart as people become scared, afraid of even saying hello. No smiles to engage in, no hope for tomorrow, not even a feeling someone has our back.
I will make a tea, sit in my sweats and stare with a vacancy I feel inside. If it’s nice out I will open my window to hear the birds sing and the ocean touch the shore, sometimes these sounds go unnoticed. If someone walks by and waves at me and I will wave back, No rush to call those I love and I can find peace of mind as I wait it out. I’m going to take the time that I have been given to figure it all out. I will take a vacation from my mind and find hope and faith deep inside. I will remember those that have come and gone and see what the future brings with an open eye.
With cup in hand and a fresh homemade bun I say cheers to the morning sky, to the clouds and sun. I voice to the universe, this strange planet I have hopped off on that I am, here and awaiting instructions. I am a stranger in a strange land, which I will get to know and once I do I promise to take care of it better than I have before.
So what do we do next? How can we think about tomorrow when today our every day lives are falling apart? Do we look around questioning whose”s next? I think we do. Next is next year, next is next moment next may be never. So what do we do next, when next may never come. Can we breathe in the face of all this fear? Can we hug our loved ones and tell them it’s going to be ok? Are we ok? How do we sleep at night when we hear the loud conversations from the house next door, the apartment above us or on the streets? Can we save anyone, especially the children who are drawn into something they never asked for.
I’m not afraid but maybe I should be. I’m more afraid for the children. The souls that are so innocent to our fears, our anger and our regret. Those little beings that look up to us and what do we say to them now? How do we tell them we will get through this when we don’t even know. How do tell those adults who are so glued to the tv, the liquor bottle or the pills they take that they should stop and see the fear in their children’s eyes. We all need to stop. Stop our self guilts, our the worthless issues we all created because we “never thought this could happen”. Sometimes I want to yell at everyone and say “stop being entitled.”
I know I’m stressed. I know I want to save everyone yet how can I when I only see people worried about their expensive life style and not their Childs suffering. We need to get a grip here and look down and kneel down before them and say I’m sorry.
I’m going to rent a bus go around and pick up those children that are hiding under the bed while their parents fight, tell them to come and I will feed them, cloth them and teach them a better way. God bless the little children have we forgotten.
Well peace out my friends. Sorry for this but my heart is breaking.
What makes you laugh? Do you laugh anymore or is your time taken up by all the fears that we now face. Can we find a smidgen of smile, open mouth all out gut wrenching laughter when we most need it? Maybe we feel it’s wrong to laugh, wrong to be happy or unnatural to love? Hmmmmm?
Laughter is the best medicine. I know that, you know that, our mothers used to tell us that all the time. Laugh when your down, smile the blues away, make time to feel your guts jiggle while you can’t stop laughing. Life is still happening, it hasn’t left us. Maybe we have temporarily left life, living in a present hell. Well who wants to live in this present moment you might say. Right here, right now are you still breathing? Are you still loving of your family? Maybe you are still healthy. There’s so many things to be grateful for and one of those things is laughter in our darkest moments. Laugh, when you hear a bad joke, enlighten your life by smiling at your child, I’m sure your fear is they’re fear also. Say a few times a day, “love loves through me.”
I will end this conversation with a small tale I will tell. It happened to me the other day as I went out to get bird feed at our local feed store. As I entered the store, using social distancing of course, I decided to walk around a bit as the store was mostly empty. They had some new gardening products out and of course all those little things that do make you smile. The small little plants ready to take home, the many cute birdhouses and of course anything else one needs for their home or farm. I decided to walk down the garden tool isle and I noticed a new lawn rake just put out. It stood out because it was bright red instead of dull green and have longer prongs. Picking up this rake I looked at it as if it was to become my new best friend then noticed the name of the company. It read, made by Corona. Come on I thought it was a joke and as I thought that very thing I noticed one of the girls looking at me. All she did was confirm with a head shake and a smile that it was true. The company is real and has made farm tools for a long time. I started to laugh and it made others look my way. We all took turns with social distancing to take a picture and laugh into our covered hands. Made my day and I still think about it all the time.
So laugh damnit, smile until your cheeks hurt. Make goofy faces when all you want to do is cry. Show your strength through the storm we face by sending out smiles to all you know. Tell your kids a stupid joke from your childhood in fact get down and have a tickle fight. One second of laughter will make the difference your body feels in it’s own fight with this virus. Believe me happiness heals the worse times.
Peace Out once again. Sending smiles and hearts to all. Let me know if your have a story let’s spread the laughter around.