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I’m sitting on the edge of an abyss. What am I doing here I ask myself? Why am I sitting here looking down on the edge of nowhere? Could I be trying to find somewhere? I’m suppose to fall if I remember, fall into an abyss of cloud and mist, letting myself free fall into nowhere. Nowhere always becomes somewhere, is it a here or an else that I see?

I’m now standing at the edge of a mountain ledge looking down. I can see where I was and now am. If I look up there is no where to climb unless I get a ladder to the clouds. Like Jack I will climb my beanstalk. My toes are planted on the edge curled into the rock that supports me. My centre of gravity is at my knees because I’m abut to surrender myself to the gods of the sky. Can I remember why I climbed so high? Should I forget the fact that the only way down is to fall?

My lungs fill with the agitation of less oxygen and I take another. I’m solo up here no one else felt like taking the risk, I did. Hands to the sky I salute my life in accordance to a plan that I initiated at birth. I told myself I would climb the highest mountain and upon reaching the top I would free fall to a life unknown. I hope that softness of the heart is forgiving. The top of the trees protecting and my body able to be manipulated back in shape afterwards. One more look and I count to three. I release my body to the abyss and I fall. I can see forever and I hold onto that minute for as long as I can. I again count to three and release the ripcord. Up I go a mile a second until I float down. What a rush for the body, a feeling of being ripped from my senses and freedom for the soul.

Life feels like being on the edge of an abyss right now. An abyss of choices and challenges in which we will never be the same again.

Peace out my friends and enjoy a new freedom of finding yourself once you go back outside.

Stranger In A Strange Land

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Hey remember the book Stranger In A Strange Land? If you do, you may relate to what I’m about to write.

I woke up tis morning feeling like a stranger in a strange land. I know it is Saturday I thought yet it doesn’t seem like Saturday. I got up and looked outside and yup I was still in my neighbourhood. The trees were still there and the sidewalk and the trains yet where are the typical Saturday noises. I pinched myself and knew I am alive and then I remembered what has happened. The noises of Saturday morning are gone. There’s no one outside, no cyclists buzzing by and no dogs on leashes. Normal has become strange and even the strange which sometimes occurs has become insane. I am a stranger in a strange land. A land of distances required to stay alive, masks to hide our smiles and no healthy socializing. I’ve landed in a alternate world where I don’t feel like I belong. Long gone are the walks on the beach, the rides in the mountains on my bike and the coffee gossip hour I looked forward to with my friends. You can hear a pin drop at night, no signs of activity and no sirens to alert you of danger.

I am a martian. I may not look like one yet I feel like one. Getting up and getting going is gone, hectic has become a lot of time to spare, so strange. I wonder if language will change? The language of the heart as people become scared, afraid of even saying hello. No smiles to engage in, no hope for tomorrow, not even a feeling someone has our back.

I will make a tea, sit in my sweats and stare with a vacancy I feel inside. If it’s nice out I will open my window to hear the birds sing and the ocean touch the shore, sometimes these sounds go unnoticed. If someone walks by and waves at me and I will wave back, No rush to call those I love and I can find peace of mind as I wait it out. I’m going to take the time that I have been given to figure it all out. I will take a vacation from my mind and find hope and faith deep inside. I will remember those that have come and gone and see what the future brings with an open eye.

With cup in hand and a fresh homemade bun I say cheers to the morning sky, to the clouds and sun. I voice to the universe, this strange planet I have hopped off on that I am, here and awaiting instructions. I am a stranger in a strange land, which I will get to know and once I do I promise to take care of it better than I have before.

Making Laughter In A Grim world.

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What makes you laugh? Do you laugh anymore or is your time taken up by all the fears that we now face. Can we find a smidgen of smile, open mouth all out gut wrenching laughter when we most need it? Maybe we feel it’s wrong to laugh, wrong to be happy or unnatural to love? Hmmmmm?

Laughter is the best medicine. I know that, you know that, our mothers used to tell us that all the time. Laugh when your down, smile the blues away, make time to feel your guts jiggle while you can’t stop laughing. Life is still happening, it hasn’t left us. Maybe we have temporarily left life, living in a present hell. Well who wants to live in this present moment you might say. Right here, right now are you still breathing? Are you still loving of your family? Maybe you are still healthy. There’s so many things to be grateful for and one of those things is laughter in our darkest moments. Laugh, when you hear a bad joke, enlighten your life by smiling at your child, I’m sure your fear is they’re fear also. Say a few times a day, “love loves through me.”

I will end this conversation with a small tale I will tell. It happened to me the other day as I went out to get bird feed at our local feed store. As I entered the store, using social distancing of course, I decided to walk around a bit as the store was mostly empty. They had some new gardening products out and of course all those little things that do make you smile. The small little plants ready to take home, the many cute birdhouses and of course anything else one needs for their home or farm. I decided to walk down the garden tool isle and I noticed a new lawn rake just put out. It stood out because it was bright red instead of dull green and have longer prongs. Picking up this rake I looked at it as if it was to become my new best friend then noticed the name of the company. It read, made by Corona. Come on I thought it was a joke and as I thought that very thing I noticed one of the girls looking at me. All she did was confirm with a head shake and a smile that it was true. The company is real and has made farm tools for a long time. I started to laugh and it made others look my way. We all took turns with social distancing to take a picture and laugh into our covered hands. Made my day and I still think about it all the time.

So laugh damnit, smile until your cheeks hurt. Make goofy faces when all you want to do is cry. Show your strength through the storm we face by sending out smiles to all you know. Tell your kids a stupid joke from your childhood in fact get down and have a tickle fight. One second of laughter will make the difference your body feels in it’s own fight with this virus. Believe me happiness heals the worse times.

Peace Out once again. Sending smiles and hearts to all. Let me know if your have a story let’s spread the laughter around.

Rain Sanity (insanity)

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Rain brings sanity. Drops of water falling down, drip drop on the window panes of life, bringing insanity to the quietness of the day. You can look at it either way yet it’s still rain. Water cleanses the pain of fearful thoughts, it washes away the pain of inner stillness.

We aren’t used to stillness. We haven’t had a long relationship with the quiet that comes as the mind evaporates. We are regulated to noise, enveloped in activity and most of the time we are crazy filling our head with ideas to keep us busy. What do we do with the long hours of nothingness? Nothing to do, no places to go, to take over the time we have to think about what we don’t want to think about. What is that something we don’t want to think about?

What does it take to discover ourselves? It takes a quiet moment, a moment of rain. The rain of sanity as it washes away the grime we have accumulated inside. It drips and rolls down the panes of glass as the window stares outward and we stare back seeing the true reflection of us. The rain brings a steady drone or hum that magnetizes our minds liken to a production line of same thinking. The stories that are so interbred, we can’t remember why or where they began. As rain can clean away the dust so can the sanity the rain, bring peace to the mind.

Social distancing requires people yet solitary drops require more drops to make a thunder storm. Rain heals the distance between us and them. Stand outside and believe that there is sanity in the rain as it hits your face and you laugh. Play tag with the rain drops try and see if you can walk in-between. First you need to be insane and then you know.

Rain is the sanity we need right now. The rain that cleanses the dust and winter blues. Rain that makes the grass grow and the tulips bud. Sanity comes as the clouds part and you can see beyond the rain and see the healing of the sun and summer coming.

Peace out and let the sanity of the rain come down. Let the insanity of these times move away like Winter into Spring, where once again we can see the healing of the days to come.

What Do I Say To All Of You?

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What DO I say? How can I express to all of you what words are on my mind.

I struggled the morning as to what to write about. Media is such a strong front right now for a lot of people expressing their negatives and or their positive views. So how does one puruse this arena of choice words and interpretations and keep us all in the right mood. WE love to express our thoughts, our intentions, our moods yet we sometimes forget what we are really wanting to say. What do we say to the millions that come here to find some solace in the pause in their life. We are all in our own void, a black hole that we have had no choice than to go into. Our ship has lost power, our motors are burnt out and our faith has fallen into a sink hole.

What do I say? I want to be helpful. I want to give the advice everyone wants to read yet are we ready for the truth. So what truth do I have to offer? Truth is personal, truth can break your heart and yet truth can be uplifting once we get to know it better. We have all lived busy lives, lives filled with to do lists that are really empty reality. A bucket list that could be emptied right now and filled later with positivity. Ideas and feeling felt in a way we have not experienced in our lifetime. I want to say its a complete “let go” of the way we were and a understanding of what could be next.

How can we even begin to understand it? Again this is something I have struggled with. All those self help books we are running to read are not available to help us with this. Judging, blaming, shaming is not the way to go and meditation may not help those who have never meditated before. I believe the only source we can find information in right now is the mirror. Yup, the mirror. Honesty, compassion and love through the mirror image. I can’t imagine some of the things people are going through right now. Yet I do know where we can start. Stop worrying about the appointments cancelled for non necessary things we all do. I did. We can all exercise in the fresh air and keep social distance. We can be social with the people we love, those we forget about when life happens. I know I’ve said it before but I bet if you ask your family one thing about themselves you will be amazed at the information that will flow. You will hear yourself saying, “OH, I didn’t know that?” You will be amazed. We can face the mirror stare at the person lost and get to know them again.

Mirror mirror on the wall can I get through this? Yes you can, we can and we will. We will come together with a new perspective based on what is realistic for our growth and not the unrealistic expectations we have allowed to weed our personal gardens. We will once again reach out to our neighbours and friends asking for compromise and peace of mind, cooperation and happiness. Let’s not allow entitlement and envy control our voices. Do not give fear a bigger piece of the pie.

I am here for you. I am you and you are me. Equal and yet different. There’s always a reason and now we have the choice to find out why.

Peace out and send it outside. The mirror is calling, go find out what it has to say.

Wandering

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I seem to be wandering through my mind. My hot air balloon drifting along in a void of consciously being aware of my surroundings. I think if Alice were around she would be intimidated by the surroundings my thoughts have taken. “Where are you,” I can say to myself and I would answer back, “I don’t know.” I think I need to get real and do just that go find myself and save me. I can’t wander in this balloon forever, my mind will go crazy with all the loneliness I am feeling. I wish Alice was here, she’d know exactly what to do.

It is a great time to take a vacation from my life I thought, go fly a kite or like I decided to do get into a hot air balloon and fly around until I would come down. At first it was easy, just being around not doing much liking the fact there is no one around. I forgot to take my phone, left on the bed not realizing it would be forgotten. I took a few things like books, pen and paper, even a old tape recorder so I could talk to myself. Interesting the things we say when alone. No one to argue with, take a different view point or tell you that you are not yourself. Crazy times up here all alone. A rope would have been a good idea because them I could have come down anytime.

Where am I going? What am I doing? I think I have forgotten. I had a plan, a map and my mind thought it was all amazing. Yet what I forgot was my potential. Eventually I will loose the wind in my sails, the compass won’t work and I most likely will never get to where I had intended myself to go. Such grand ideas. What was I thinking, not reality apparently. It’s time to not think and create.

Off in the distance there is a mountain. I will sail there and tie my balloon to the top. I can then collect myself, grab my things and start a new adventure. An adventure that will be worth taking, one that involves doing something instead of wishing it to be true. The experience will be incredible because I won’t make decisions based on history or the stories I tell myself. I can start over and feel free. Nothing I was will be included in the person I will be.

These times have been a learning experience for me. Being by myself I can let go of the stuff I have held onto, “Just because” and find my true meaning to life. I can decide to move forward in a new direction and not look back on “My history” to guide me but faith that is binding. It’s time to shut off the tv, talk to people and not my phone and yes read a book. I can’t invite others over but I can invite myself into my own world and write my story.

I will make it, we will all make it through this. How we do depends on each of us and collectively. Don’t be afraid of being lonely. Don’t be afraid to spend this time on a new resume or baking bread. Find something interesting to do. There’s a real world out there waiting to be discovered by all of us. Let’s wake up, partake in life and believe in ourselves once again.

I am drifting closer to my mountain and I can see the climb down will be easy. I have the right thoughts, the great mood and the understanding that I trust myself more than ever.

Peace out and find the faith in you.

Did You Hear The DoorBell? (Your Life Is Calling)

Hello can someone answer the door? Hey there’s someone at the door.Is there anyone home besides me, wait I’m coming.

Have you looked outside today? I did and I swear I saw tumble weed rolling down the street. Then I looked again and It seemed like the animals of the world have taken over. Where have we all gone?

Oh yeah, I remember indoors. We did this a while back when we developed the web, the web stores, web games and now web infected viruses. Next it will take over our brains. I feel like I’m in a science fiction movie. I think if I could have chosen the movies I’d rather be in Star Wars.

I don’t know if I want to answer the door. It could be an alien dressed as a salesman wanted to sell me everything I don’t want. He may be infected with that virus that has shown up on our doorsteps. Some say it came from China in all the goods we buy there. Oh my I guess I better check those amazon packages I have. Some say we did it to ourselves by being so unhealthy. We tend to smoke too much, drink too much and eat way to much unreal foods. Who can say. I say don’t go and blame anyone or anything. I say do something positive today. Right here, right now. We may have caused this and that was yesterday. Now in this moment the best choices can get us back on the right track. Now this is personal. Only you and I can make decisions that effect us in the way we live. To judge, blame or shame is only drama and hoping someone else gets us out of this is definite fake news.

So now do I sit here in fear and not answer the door? Ask who it is through the peep hole? What if it’s my neighbour and he needs my help? Do I pull out the shotgun and send him running? So much fear, way too much fear. Instead of being afraid and shaking in our boots let’s reach out to our intelligence and say I got this. Do something positive, honest and what I call living free.

I will be the first to stand up and say, We are all connected and the choices we have made to make life easier have led to this. I’m staying home and facing my fears head on. Doing my due diligence and being honest in my own misgivings. I may not smoke or drink, do drugs or over eat yet does that mean I won’t be affected by this? Hell no. I may have to face my untruths, my emotions and my behaviours. It will hit us in so many ways. Talking to our children when we haven’t for a long time. Giving our family more compassion that we have also in a long time and actually sitting down and being compassionate to yourself first and then to another.

Take a deep breath, face the demon head on and take this life to the next level. Just like a video game we are the controller of what happens to us, our family and our world. Be the avatar you have been meant to be.

Peace Out and Be Strong.