Quietly I watch, as the time ticks away to the rhythm of my cats purrs. Each whisker whispering in tune to the the cats breathing. Why do I watch?
My own breath breathes but does it breath serenity? Does it know patience, able to sit for as long as needed, ears tuned in and not outward?
I look down and feel the cats claws slowly intertwining with my leg as he begins to kneed to the sounds of its own sleeping. Are you in the moment I ask the cat, present to the nature of being nurtured? Why can’t I close my eyes and feel this same rhythm? The sweet beating of my heart, like a drum beating out a dance for the body to be kin too. I wish myself well.
I will try to be cat like, purr-fect and feline. Nurtured by Mother Nature in knowing of myself. Maybe I will hang out by the fire and sleep until the unknown awakens me. Hungry for love I will hold my cat, become one with its serenity and essence. Cat’s eyes open , his mouth now a cave of yawns as he sprawls out belly up. “feed me, he shouts, feed me.” So much for peace and serenity, so much for love. He’s now hungry for another kind of attention, that which only food can provide and I shall.
If we could live to a very old age would we be able to say at the end our journey that we completed our life the way we had hoped to? Would we still have a list in our pocket, our bucket list?
I would love to be that person who could say yes, to be able to give you another list, this list containing all the reasons I did choose the things on my list. The list goes on because I would then need to justify my list against your list and any other bodies list that is different than mine.
Mountains we climb and mountains we will climb. What would I do and what would my list look like. I took this to another level and decided to actually make “the list” and was surprised as to what I randomly wrote.
I wish I could have said first and foremost, save the planet, yet I did not. Did I write anything esoteric, not really. I think looking at my list I realized how human I really am. Human we are, persons with unique personalities, wants and desires. Are we soulful, at times, but I bet it wasn’t your number one. If asked to randomly write your list what would you write?
I want to be healthy. To be able to climb my mountains until the day I rest my body forever. I’d like to be able to say I made the right decisions concerning friends, family and career. Did I say wealth, I probably did because we all believe money does help us not get so stressed. Stress was not on my list and that is a good thing. Love, did I mention I hoped to have love for all time and not to be lonely. Longevity was undetermined because in the end I decided that to live forever or for a very long time may not be as productive as we imagine. Lessons will always come along and the challenges of living a longtime never go away.
I want to be real, to have goals and to see the positive end to those things I plan along the way. To find joy in my heart and believe there is always a better way to do something. In the end having done just that and in doing so, I would find my truth.
Theres something I want to talk about, something very real to all of us. It’s a topic of self importance as it has to do with surviving. So let me pose you the question about survival. When do you know that who you are is just a survivor?
This mornings conversation over coffee was, how do we know if we are following our personal passions or belonging to the personal failure culture? Think about what I am really saying.
In todays world, we are always mindful, trying to thrive on our goals and our ambitions. The ambition is most likely personal our goals coming from a story held deep inside. We can not hide from the facts nor can we run from the emotions we all have. Our makeup is turmoil. It’s a venue of do’s and don’t, can and can’t, should and never. In return we have negotiated with our subconscious and told ourselves that if we can survive it will make it all better. Surviving is doing not a whole lot for our success or for failure for that matter. It’s liken to a mannequin who stands naked in a store window until its dressed, then and only then is there a story. We are just that a naked human who decides every day to wake up, get ready to succeed or fail, then undresses once again. If we go about our day dodging bullets are we failing? What about the opposite, standing in front of the bullets to feel success?
I think we have found a whole new way of doing things and it’s called standing in the middle. We have become survivors and not to a positive end. When we follow along disallowing the chance to learn we are only surviving. We value the acts of not doing over the acts of learning from our consequences and challenges. It’s time for change. I’ve always believed in choices made, challenges accepted and the follow through of change. Change happens when we make a different choice. Change happens when we get out of the middle and make a decision to follow through, to learn more about ourselves. Are we too big, too small, too inconsistent, always living through another? We do and we do so, to survive.
Time out everyone. Take a breath and breathe in something that could change you. It doesn’t have to be something big or magnificent. It could be as small as learning to fail at something you thought was your right to be. Choices are all around us and choice doesn’t include just surviving. It doesn’t mean drafting along behind someone else who tends to be bigger in personality or worth. It’s about being real to your truth.
The conversation could have gone on but sometimes truth is a bitter cup of coffee in the morning. So today I will learn to fail to find my strengths. I will become small to see myself as a bigger person with honest goals. I will no longer just survive by getting through the day. I will become the day, the moment or the second when I tell myself I am not a survivor but a truth slayer.
I don’t have to be anything more than real, passionate and able to persuade myself to follow through, though failure and success. To keep moving, keep trying, for life is nothing more than an education in success and failure. Because to stand still in the middle will only get you run over.
The stories we tell, the tales we wind, as we search for a truth to reveal. Where do our stories come from? Are they real, in a matter of fact way? Do we have reason to be true or hold secrets deep beneath the surface of our conscious mind.
We all have secrets, untold stories of revelry. Where we are the true heroes and everyone one else the villain. Stories of doubt, submission and misery. We are not the undo cause of our forlorn for we are the heroes. We are the character that befriends the unfriendly and becomes king. We are also the slave, slaves to the mind where our stories grow and bloom for anyone that will hear.
Is the truth worth revealing? A simple yet factual truth that is meant to bring forth joy, once it’s revealed. Is it better hidden, built upon small indifferent lies or mere tales too sweeten the pot for another ears to hear. Does it make you look brave? Maybe unaware to the villain until you are saved by a hero.
Does life get better with the stories we tell or can the truth prevail? Worthy of an audience we tell one true rendering in hopes of being saved. There really is no judge or jury only the predicament we placed ourselves in the bearer of the story.
Shall we stand today and voice our consciousness into submission. Tell a simple few shareholders a truth about ourselves never before spoken. There is no reason to reason the why this story began but to only give it an ending so a new story can begin.
Here I go again. For me it’s down the rabbit hole, for you it may be up a mountain or to a lake. We all go somewhere all the time and sometimes it feels like nowhere. Yet to believe that the nowhere is now here makes for a completely different story.
So what is today’s story. I guess it can be anything I give life too, meaning how I am deciding to shape my thoughts and ideas in what I choose to do today. Today I just need to run as fast as I can down the rabbit hole. I really need to go, slide as fast as I can, hit the ground running and loose myself.
What I love about the rabbit hole is not always the sliding and the darkness but sometimes getting there, each time it’s different. If you don’t know where you are going and why it takes you a time or reason, then you may not understand the journey. Untangle yourself from the gnarled roots, stop and take a breath before you run, it may be the understanding you need. Today I have an idea so jump and run is what I intend to do.
How I know Iv’e made it, is what I see as I shake off my thoughts, ideas and the realizations about myself. This gives me a time to rejuvenate and restore before going on. So one breath into another until you are in the zone. Emptiness, The Madd Hatter calls it, plain and simple getting out of your head.
I usually head right over to see the Queen where I place my head upon the block so I can hear her say”off with her head!” Once that’s accomplished I can reset it back upon my neck and move on. Thankful for the queen and her ability to set me straight I can go on with the business of today which is usually represented in a ride or a hike somewhere. Im off, to find myself, conversations that are real, something that activates the reset.
Where shall I go? I know I go alone. It’s the only way down the rabbit hole for me. What I learn can be told at a later date when the conversation arises but this rabbit hole is mine. The mirrors I see, the right thinking I transpire to happens here deep within the consciousness of being without my mind, that I leave on the surface as I face the me within.
So here I am sitting at the base of the tree, ready to go. I breathe in and relax in the nurturing of my nature. The tree bends its branches in one enormous hug and sends me on my way. I will tell you all about it, as the story unfolds.
Go on now, go find your rabbit hole or maybe its a mountain or a lake. Take the time to be in no time, no distinct place or attitude. Believe you are here for a reason and your about to find out right now when you tune in and tune out.
We went for a walk today with good intentions. Both of us on a different page to begin but both of us having the same intention as to get out for some fitness. My day began with a foggy head and I wanted to walk alone yet how can I deny someone the outdoors when they invite themselves in. I could have bowed out and rode my bike but I decided to walk with him convinced of conversation.
The sun shined, the walkabout not crowded we started out knowing that we had to decide on a route. I was easy so I let my partner tell me what he thought he could do. So onward to went.
What goes wrong when it goes wrong can and will go wrong. Our minds were on different things, things important to the welfare of our being and we were oblivious of the depth of this. I love to converse, to be open and honest about what Im passionate about. My partner is more of an analyst taking what I say to the next level. Somedays I can understand him and other times like today all I wanted to do was walk. So a small insignificant set of words began a many block confrontation of childhood rearing.
I tend to be loud when Im passionate and he has super hearing which makes my voice a little irritating at times. I know that yet when passion comes in who cares about loudness. So you may say sounds like a fight, no it wasn’t. a.fight but an exercise in listening. We are different, as we all are emotionally, both in how we were raised and how we feel about things that can irritate us. We both shut down.
Where did we go wrong? We forgot to listen. Listening is so important. Information passes through us and sometimes that is not heard. I know he feels passionate about certain things and he too knows this about me. We all carry passion around in our pockets and so we also carry a past that ignites, like match, to fire. Listening really listening is the water awaiting to be poured.
So how can we have a conversation with someone who doesn’t hear us? Understand we cannot. I didn’t hear and neither did he we were both caught up in our own stories, and about being not heard.
Is there a moral here? Of course there is morals are all over the place. Take a step back and when your intuition tells you to have alone time, for me it was my own fitness, I dropped my own ball by inviting him in when I knew he was in an altered mood. The second thing I did was invite him into a conversation that I knew I could not win.
Our day ends on a great note as always. I was silent for awhile then we reinvented.a new conversation that we knew we could both handle and let go of a loss loss no one would win and be happy about it. I ended up realizing that I wasn’t listening and maybe I should have heard him.
So when we listen and get out of our story we hear. Maybe just maybe we hear a new story with a happy ending or learn something new about someone we never knew.